Myra is ME

Thursday, March 31, 2005

me in wonderland

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 09:06

wats?

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 09:04

'i am worthless'

sis got into a lil bumpy problem last night....

i realised, sometimes its too risky to love men. good girls like her had to fall for someone that bad. permanent problem i hear almost everytime i hear of a heartbreak. Girls get hurt, men just pretend it wasnt real in the first place. Men pretend they were just being nice. Their excuse, it just died. The feelings and they don knoe were it went. If i list you all the e.g. i heard from my girlies, you, even if you were a man, would despise your compartriate for being listless to women so sincere. I don hate men, but I am so afraid to love them. I don hate men, but I hate what their handicapped kind did to unsuspecting women.
Boys should have a stamp on their forehead labelling 'i am worthless', to segragate them from real men.

and if i ever loved a man, if i ever loved one, it has to be a miracle

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 08:56

Monday, March 28, 2005

Marriage and Me

Well, yes, I wanna get married, but not to any Tommy, Dickie and Harry. Yeouch, Zahdan, you scared the Hell outta me just now. I am serious. Marriage is a serious issue.
Lets make this clear, my past experience was beautiful and he had certain standards that I cant compromise. If you guys had one like mine, you will understand what I mean.

a few reasons why i cant be with Zahdan...

ZA is like a brother to me, so it'll be incest.
I am not sexually/ physically attracted to ZA
Romance is what I lust for, i doubt ZA has it for me, trust me, I don expect him too, Yikes
I like someone who loves what I do, and understand it well.
I like someone who has a passion for leading.
I need someone I can run to and hug when I fail my test.
Someone who can inspire and guide me in life, charismatic and positive
If you can stand goin to band concerts and jamming concerts, be my guest
Someone street wise and bring me to new places cause I am really bad at directions
I suck at religious stuff, I have to work on that, anyone?

I made a promise that I should give anyone a fair chance to be with me, and we see how it goes... But according to my intutition, I doubt I can accept ZA, cause he is too precious a friend. And Most importantly, he is doing this for the wrong reasons, he really want to get married by 27.

Personally, I'd rather wait for the right guy to bump into my life. Someone who could inspire me to ace life to the max, just by smiling at me and giving me a hand to hold on to. Of course, he to be a successful person himself, before he could guide me. I wish I could make ZA understand it the right way. I am sure he will find someone more compatible ;)

As they say,

There are so many fishes in the sea.....as long as its not me. Heheh.

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 02:50

dad wants a grandchild

today I ran thru my secret drawer, you know how little girls and boys have their secret compartment, like in their tree-house, old play-chest etc. I was hesitant as first, cause I know whats inside there and I dare not open it cause I know its contents will make me cry. Nostolgia, you know, sentimental pieces, which makes you sad, you turned old so fast.
So I did jus that, the first thing I grab was this old, really old diary (since primary 4) where I used to write my research findings and investigation reports conferring to the postulation that I was an adopted child. Haha, hilarious, my mom use to favour my 2nd sis, at least, I use to think she did. Well, later, maturity caught up with me and gave a pat on my back saying,

" that was pure bull-crap, its obvious, mommy loves ya better, you are just jealous of your sis, having a strong head and a stronger will which helps her control life better! That was silly of ya, really"

I drew nice things in my scrape book, featuring images of teenage angst and self-glorification. I thought I was pretty enough to win Prom Queen. Oh please.

And then came the presents my old dude gave me for my 19th birthday, I burst out into tears, literally and metaphorically!! I was shock myself, like Hello Myra, what on earth got into our strong- willed Myra. I cried like a big baby, with tears rolling, especially from my right eye.
(it has always been giving me problems, cause after crying only my right eye swell! dats freaky) When I quickly put it away, my hands unfortunately reached for diaries in which it contained letter and poems the dude gave me! I pratically wet my pink blouse. And then when I thought it was all over, i looked into the far end of my drawer, expecting something which is totally unrelated to the dude, i reached for a notepad, which, to my horror, documented a whole exchange of sms-es I kept, since we got together. This was really bad, cause there wasnt a tissue box near..... so ... you've guessed it, I reached for my soaked pink blouse and blew my nose... It was terrible cause my hands got dirtied and so did the diaries and notes.

I closed my eyes and wished it all away. Telling myself, how unfortunate of him to have such a mom, who hates me, like I ever did anything wrong to her or her son. I walked out of my room, to seek solace from the TV and my mom stood firmly, as if she really had something important to say,

" Your father is wondering when he will be getting his grandchild..."

I glared viciously at my mom, walked into my room, and slammed the door. I shouted,

" I don even have a man and you want a grandchild, too much mom, too much"

So once again, I wet my pink blouse and this time, I used my pants to soak my mucus.

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 02:16

Friday, March 25, 2005

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 09:54

Starry Starry Nite

Hahahah, I came late, I wanted to bring Dad's bike out cause I have this overwhelming feeling I will reach home really late. And I did surprisingly. Starry Nite went perfectly fine. Weather was good, crowd was happening and everything on stage was set. Sound check seems excellent, if you pardon those occasional hiccups. Hhaha, its typical of such events la. I was feelin a lil down cause I came alone. I mean, I dread going to events for the fact that I will be alone, while others have a bunch of buds chillin wit them. But what the heck, its not as if I am not use to it. I kept a straight face and sit in to jus enjoy the music and the scene.
I enjoy every single performance!! There were E.I.C from Wala Wala and our own breed of fine musician like Jetlaxx, Faye and the Guitarist and J and friends. It was awesome. The stage settings with the couch and lanterns were very effective. But I hated the smoke effect though, it was blowing too much for a small stage. I get to chill with J and friends after the show, thank God there was the bike. It feels good as three bikes, Jason's, Jamiel's love machine and My Dad's bike took a tour. 'Fifi' was there to join us too. Gerard, Daniel and Jinfu were already there. The first time I ever chilled with them and I was gleeful!! At last, I can chill out after a show, weeee hu. They were really polite and fun bunch. They had really wonderful ideas about hoe their band will evolve. Hahaha, I especially liked the feeling they had when they spoke of Jamiel's recently composed song. They were saying, they knoe what Margaret would like them TO DO with the song! Ahuhuhu. They are nice refreshing change from the crowds I use to mix with. There werent a thinge of bithcyness nor listlessness. The guys were respectful of my presence as a girl and they made me feel darn comfy.
Hahaha, I couldnt say much cause the band stuff is pretty out of my league but it kindda of made me wish, I could pick of the guitar again and jamm with Lin. Another interesting thing I couldn forget was their thoughts of turning girls on, so that they can finally get hitched!! I cant believe that! ! Of course they would attract attention, they were incredible!! HAHah, girls would be silly if they reject them. Hehe, oh yes, one more thing, these dudes, actually write blogs and we are not talking about metrosexuals or snags here. Call them Cool.

I saw lookin at me, like i am some kind of freak, why don you do something?