Monday, March 28, 2005
dad wants a grandchild
today I ran thru my secret drawer, you know how little girls and boys have their secret compartment, like in their tree-house, old play-chest etc. I was hesitant as first, cause I know whats inside there and I dare not open it cause I know its contents will make me cry. Nostolgia, you know, sentimental pieces, which makes you sad, you turned old so fast.
So I did jus that, the first thing I grab was this old, really old diary (since primary 4) where I used to write my research findings and investigation reports conferring to the postulation that I was an adopted child. Haha, hilarious, my mom use to favour my 2nd sis, at least, I use to think she did. Well, later, maturity caught up with me and gave a pat on my back saying,
" that was pure bull-crap, its obvious, mommy loves ya better, you are just jealous of your sis, having a strong head and a stronger will which helps her control life better! That was silly of ya, really"
I drew nice things in my scrape book, featuring images of teenage angst and self-glorification. I thought I was pretty enough to win Prom Queen. Oh please.
And then came the presents my old dude gave me for my 19th birthday, I burst out into tears, literally and metaphorically!! I was shock myself, like Hello Myra, what on earth got into our strong- willed Myra. I cried like a big baby, with tears rolling, especially from my right eye.
(it has always been giving me problems, cause after crying only my right eye swell! dats freaky) When I quickly put it away, my hands unfortunately reached for diaries in which it contained letter and poems the dude gave me! I pratically wet my pink blouse. And then when I thought it was all over, i looked into the far end of my drawer, expecting something which is totally unrelated to the dude, i reached for a notepad, which, to my horror, documented a whole exchange of sms-es I kept, since we got together. This was really bad, cause there wasnt a tissue box near..... so ... you've guessed it, I reached for my soaked pink blouse and blew my nose... It was terrible cause my hands got dirtied and so did the diaries and notes.
I closed my eyes and wished it all away. Telling myself, how unfortunate of him to have such a mom, who hates me, like I ever did anything wrong to her or her son. I walked out of my room, to seek solace from the TV and my mom stood firmly, as if she really had something important to say,
" Your father is wondering when he will be getting his grandchild..."
I glared viciously at my mom, walked into my room, and slammed the door. I shouted,
" I don even have a man and you want a grandchild, too much mom, too much"
So once again, I wet my pink blouse and this time, I used my pants to soak my mucus.
Myra Abd Kadir~ at 02:16
