Wednesday, April 20, 2005
I scored a goal
I scored a goal
I scored a goal
I scored a goal
I was delirious, my last goal for the last match on Bukit Timah Campus!! Weeee! I think Ryan for asking me down and I thank Deen for going down with us in the friendlies. I miss soccer. Oh yea, my skin got blistered for the records, dats because i went up at the quadrangle after borrowing Ryan's soccer ball and played with the dudes. I dont know for sure whether the guys were praising me or teasing me. I try to ace my passes laaaa. But hell, the dudes are sooooo good at juggling. Wanna be like them one day!
Oh yea, I saw something I like today, or should I say some one... Haha.. Too bad I cant come to NYU...The MLCC gathering was a blast and I never had soooo much fun since Exams ended!! Whoa! Deen, Faz, Sharil (who scored A+ for B2B), Lynn, Dahlia, Azrina and so many other happening PEOPLE like Jamiel, Firdaus, Muddy, Nad and so many many nice people. I didnt wanna leave but I had Guitarissimo BBQ to attend. BTW, SMUBE has one at the same place this thurs. ahahahah. Hhahah, today is just a fun-filled day!!
Here's a lil something for a lil someone.
Hey Mister D,with the U- D- E,look in my eyes,tell me what you see?
Don turn away,Cause I am here to stay,Don stare at me,when you stick at bay ;)Good Luck Dude for the play tonight ;)
Mmmmua! Kiss to tomorrow....
Myra Abd Kadir~ at 23:18
Thursday, April 14, 2005
in resting
Myra Abd Kadir~ at 03:22
I love you
love you Mumsie,
my life is dedicated to God and You.
I love you Dad,no matter how we miscommunicate,
you are the better father among the fathers I have met.
I love you Arif,
you bring joy everytime I come home with your perky laughter and smiles, i love playing catching with you in the house! Haha!
I love you Lina and Claud,
you are the best Buddies I ever had, rain or shine.
I love you Zahdan,
No one can replace you as my Bo Bo doll, you are so patient with me.
I love you Tracy,
You guide me when I go astray and thought me fidelity and courtesy.
I love you Shiks,
I run to you when things are crap-ed up, love chillin with ya cause you are soooo darn relaxed.
I love you Zafira,
Cause you thought me patience, humility and determination, you never got tired of me being F.O.M (full of myself)
I love you Vivin,
Distance, time can never triumph over our friendship, we will grow old to become grannies someday.
I love you Nasri,
For always reminding me of God existance, so I could take care of myself well, you are a good buddy anyone could ever have.
I love you Deen and Fazli,
My comrads, haha, in school when its lunch time, they always never fail to make me laugh.
I love you Wayne,
for telling me to stand up for my civil rights in Singapore, vote opposition so we keep the govt in check! hehe.
I love you Timor Friends,
Abilio, Noe, Joni, Marito, Bento, Roberto CarlosYou taught me love and concern.
I love you Onie, Bob, Tina and Jude,
For loving me, when no one does....
Myra Abd Kadir~ at 03:14
really, l have always socially adjusted myself upwards,trying to comparitively mark myself with others.
really my dad usually tells me,"if others can do it, so can you"
But really, that advice is fallible to some extent, and true to a certain extent.
Each individual is designed with limited capabilities and weaknesses, psychologists and physicians can testify to that.
Maximisers, a concept in Marketing.people who derived joy from purchasing highly value-added goods which are worth their beads of perspirations in their man-hours @ work.Ironically, they don't enjoy much joy, cause its harder to satisfy them.
High Need for cognition, a psychology conceptPeople who derive joy by thinking alot. They are highly observant and loves probing into challenging tasks.Not easily moved by emotions/ hearsay, in other words, you cant really lie to them.
Thats all but me.
So really you dont have to tell me to push harder, be independent, be strong cause that already but me.Really, just back off, and think of more positive words which I havent heard of, cause telling me what I am, is like describing to a full grown duck to paddle in the water.
So really, whats new?
Myra Abd Kadir~ at 03:11
Monday, April 04, 2005
why
wonder why i care too much,
wonder why it got this way
i glanced retrospectively
wonder why i get afflicted,
wonder why i love too much
i saw no reasons, condemning such nature
wonder why i get perplexed,
wonder why i am so alone
now leave me alone, like you always did
wonder why i am unhappy,
wonder why you detest me so
was i the blackened sponge?
was i an irritating, nagging rusted dagger in that poked too deep?
were you sickened by my horrid nature?
was i an object of disgust, a pathetic being which lingered like a parasite, gripping you too much, you could hardly breathe?
was i impeding you, in your quest, your freedom of expressions, of liberation?
was i the red traffic light which stopped you from finding your true self?
was i the one who preached too well, too well, too well?
were the things i said a blatant folly, gibberish of misinterpretations?
do wish to say, "get out of my life, myra"
do i appear to you as a foil?
do i make you feel worse in life, than it already is?
do you know i care?
do you know i cared too much, it hurts?
do you know i asked for nothing in return?
do you?
all i did was to care, to hold something nice. no intention of posession.
if it helps you get on with your life, i will go. Like I should, the first time you told me to.
i will learn not to care, not to love, not to share, if it helps helping you.
Myra Abd Kadir~ at 19:23
That Room
The Room, constrained but protected
My head grew heavy, i guess I was disturbed last night.depression I was thinkin....
So this mornin, with an added new spirit i combed my life, digging throughbooks, sweet Atlas was my first read.My head sang a tune, which drag me to a room, my head then spun
I took my pillow and nestle on the bed in that room.I took off.
was searchin for a room, for project workthere was the Arabis and Sangeetha,we then were watchin TeeVee in that room.Alwiyah told me bout the story of the Bedok Cemetry,she wanted to share it with me after the show.
i blinked and I saw myself in The Room. only 12pm
i blinked and I found myself searchin for the room,i found it but it turned out to be a closet. Something laid on the bottom of the closeti held the cloth.
I blinked and I saw my pillow sheet. I stared at the clock, only 1.
I blinked,
Then we were at a pond, there is a crocodile living there.we walked around...dry marshland, no inhabitants.dust... fear...
I blinked.
i was resting on the bed, watching a screen..playing on the wall.i was home, rest and relaxed.
I blinked, I was in a project room again, there was CheeWeng, discussing on Marketing.my head spun, I blinked.
I was in The Room, with my pillow. its 1.45. I closed my eyes.I couldnt move this time. Paralyzed.... I cried, I blinked hard this time and counted to 3. I shook myself well and snapped..
I am back in The Room, only 1415.
* * *
There were a few times, this happened to me. My dreams gets segmented, but within the confines of the room. Several times, I was paralysed and I couldnt move. Watever I see in My Room, is what I exactly in my dreams, like pillow cases and the bed. But other things remained very different. I felt that I was always hangin in between the real world and the dream world. But it felt good, hence, I blinked several times, to see that imaginary life I created. It was all mine... I made the rules and I did wat I really wanted too. The problem is, my real life is slowly turning into my dream. I definately feel, life only begins when I sleep.
Myra Abd Kadir~ at 14:39
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Tokay sleepin on a rock
I remembered the last trip to Tioman.. I kept singin' that Cicak song and it drived the clique up the wall! Haha, I recalled Ridz singin to it unconsciously. The tune is eerie at some point of time which intensified the suspense. Cicak, house lizards can be cool, cause they eat housefiles, cockaroaches (babies) and whatever worm or weevil your mom might accidentaly keep as pets. However, if those cicaks really wanna be 'part of the family', you've got to draw a line..... I wouldn want cicak falling on your bear skin, while you are bathing.
But I wanna tell you more bout another breed of lizards. The
Tokay or Gecko. The only lizards on earth who have voices. Its usually found in Southeast asia as it thrives on marshlands, dry and hot weather. The whole reunion of of Tokays, would chill on bushes, trees and huge rocks but in Dili, the geckos find homes as their personal hang-out place. They invited themselves for a cozy reunion with the YEP mates.
I was singin with some of my Dili friends and Mas Yono, the dude who was highly popular wit the Dili girls... So there was Noe the guitarist and other gungho guys smoking outside our our dorm. Then I heard something really scary. It sounded like a baby making alot of noise. I shrieked, paranoia gets the better of me cause nobody else heard much, or they pretended not to hear anythin. They spoke in Tatun and they were smiling and I instinctively knew, they knew what I heard!! It was the one and the only, "Tokay Tokay" One of the dudes shone the light to the ceiling and there was this beauty............
Colourfully dull with bright, headlights on her head.
It scared the wits out of me and instantaneously I ran for my dear life into the dorm. The dudes were merely watchin... and laughin. The Tokay was at least 1 feet long, like a genetically modified house lizard. Its movements were swift despite its sheer size! She was a beauty. I called the rest of my buds to see the huge lizard as she tried to avoid the paparazzi. She was a star.. Most of us couldnt sleep that night. Mostly in fear of the Tokay Tokay. We imagined it would fall from the ceiling and squash on us, before scrambling all over our body, trying to run away. I an the other hand was mesmerized by its beauty. Haha, a pet Gecko would make my day.
Myra Abd Kadir~ at 10:36
Tokay Tokay on the ceiling
Myra Abd Kadir~ at 10:35
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Arif, I love you ;)
Arif posing his latest Taufik Batisah post ;)
Excellent score on the Retailing Quiz, Missy Myra. Dats like a 33.33% jump. I waged my bum like a peahen. Weehoo. Best thing today, we finished the Retailing presentation on CHeeRs. Aiyoh, when will I look more professional in presentations? I am always smiling, giggling during Q & A. I used to be so darn good at it. Haha, I guess I toned down alot these days.I am thinkin of N.Y.U, humps, a Dirty Chinese party on the 16. Wonder if anyone else would be there. I wanna show SSU my support but hell, I don know anyone in person. Fazli, forever the ON type, wanna go. He asked me along and I was a lil shy... the last thing I needed was to stick to one person at the party. I wanna group... Wonder if Ja and Friends will be down, at least I get to go on bike if they are going down. And now I am thinkin of Arif, my beloved bro who kept loosing his school bag. Haha
While I was lazing on the couch just now, eatin Chipsmore, I looked at Arif, bare bodied, all tired after his Silat evaluation test and sleeping on my supposed bed. There was a thinge of of madness and 'sorryness'. I reprimanded him today for loosing his bag in school, for the second time. ( e first time, he lost it to the rubbish dump... innocently... believe dat!) Screamed like wolf, when he refused to answer my queries. I made him stand with shoulders back, stomach in so that he would treat me seriously. After howling like a cow, i approached him gently to explain why on earth I got crazy. He nodded his head and I saw tears streamin from his huge eyes. I always tell Mom how amazed I am to see Arif turn out this way. Uncontrolled but really street smart.
Arif has a different definition of life. He is the kind of boy I used to fear in primary sch. Careless and playful. yearn to prick into his mind and see the world his way. I have always tried to do that when I play wrestling with him. Haha. Each time I got home, I call his name whenver I see his shoes parked outside the door. I am always excited to see how he would react whenever I say, "I love you Arif, do you love me" He on the other hand, would come out with beautiful ways to say "No, I don love you" like saying..."No, no.... Kak can I eat your chocolate" or "Kakak Kak Mai! Can you send me to ngaji" He knows I wouldnt answer those qns and divert my attention elsewhere... Smart ey.Sweet Arif lies sound asleep. I kissed his forehead to reduce the guilt I am feeling for scolding him earlier. I hope one day, he will turn out just fine...
A fine, loving man who knows his responsibilities. And of course, a brother who loves his sis...
Myra Abd Kadir~ at 03:07
Arif Arif
Myra Abd Kadir~ at 03:05
