Myra is ME

Friday, July 29, 2005

Who Wished me FIrst?? Updated

Lina, a week before my birthday cause she was off to Philipines for work
Mom, eve of my birthday, with a great big hug and a kiss.
Dad, 7 am, when he prepared my lunch and disturbed my sleep.
Kaisah, before she set out for school, smilling that semi-wicked smile ;)
Khairun, who passed me my missing eye-liner before I ran off to work today.
Nasri, my 'personal' health consultant, who called me in the morning just before I rush to work. He want to celebrate both Feek and my birthday, like old times. I don know if it will work though...really...
Sameer, whom I made him think he is the first person to wish me.
Michael, My trumpet Mentor, who teaches me Salsa.
Tracy, my closest pal since the early days of Uni.
Claudine, my best buddy esp. when it comes to the matters of the heart.
Chris, my partner in crime from FACT Software. We pledged our love to mankind.
Zhuang Man, my anchor of sanity while I was at FACT Software
Fadzli, the dude who always came in at the wrong time of my life. Comforting to know someone familiar is there.
Shahidah, who had flu today but still wanna go out have party with Amirah later at night.
Jennifer, from Office of Student Life. I don know who told her bout my birthday!
Ifah, my fellow Ex Co in the Fraternity who is sooo pretty when she smiles.
Shiks the designer, my smart, opinionated sparring partner.
Feek, I cant believe he wished me.
Huiling, my Fraternity President, a Leo too ;)
Ming Zhen and Ee Wah, my greatest girlfriends at ExxonMobil. Oh ya, and Rosalind too. We gonna have a slumber party next weekend!! Weee!
Heru, who called and wish me personally. He asked if I wanna go Jakarta cause he got buddies there who can drive around town. But I need a chaperon. Another girl, perhaps?
William, who volunteered to go down to my place to sing me my birthday song.
Shikin from my Dunman Band, cant believe she remembered my birthday!! SO long already
ZA who wished be very late saying he purposely did that, but i bet he actually forgotten it, cause he didnt do any celebration, not a phone call... weeps
Sadiq, 4th child of our family, gave me a bracelet, another miracle considering he does not usually buy gifts for any birthday.
Rohaidah, the Muscle Woman, and she sent the message like ONE day after my birthday, but I appreciate it the same la
Su Yi, my ex-colleague from FACT Software, who accompanied us on our trip to Msia wished me via SmS. I am guessing she read my bloggie too!!
Jincheng a.k.a Ryan wished me after he read my Bloggie ;) Thnks Dude.
Amirah kental, also wished me after she read my blog, Thnks G.F. We go chill at the train station and may you get more dudes looking at you and asking for you number, Missy.
Then Missy MIng wished me ;) I think she thinks my birthday 30th July.
Then HUiling, the flutist wished me. Actually whole band wished me la.

31 people...... not Bad!!

Thnks Peeps ;) Appreciate your kind wishes.

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 02:01

so I am 22? U sure? Nooooo

"Diamonds are forever", I exclaimed, grinning at my prize, cleaning it dry.

"...diamonds are forever and so are you... Mr Scar", and yes, that wound of mine was what I have been cleaning, dry...My prize, yet another addition to my museum of scars.

( I am exaggerating)

It has been a wonderful birthday ;) Each time the day comes, I passively absorb the things that go around me. Burst of magic showered me today, yet another day I sense love and care, that I have been missing for the rest of the year.

(its actually the bg sound from my transistor radio thats making me a lil sappy)

Let me summaries the events:

Last night, I returned home after a dinner with Jean Francois, Mr Foreigner, at Little India and he was a joy to be with. And yes, he is the Pilot on board Flight 101 to Montreal. We went touring in the world of Religion and Politics. Mr Jean Francois, you are both a good pilot and a sweet companion. I dont wanna think of the September.
Right after sumptuous Masala meal, with explosive Paani Puri, I scurried to Sengkang, Rivervale Mall. Wil, Ryan and me had a dinner orgy at the sushi bar, Sakae Sushi. I had a lovely chat with my Sengkang brothers. Wil encourage me to go for diving, he is even willing to lend me his diving equippment! As forJincheng a.k.a Ryan, he volunteered to search for a new phone for me. Cause each time he calls my Panasonic X66, he could only hear me wailing,"eloo, EElllooo?" Will replayed his most popular song called; Missing Myra at FACT Software. I miss you too, William. Haha. I do I do..
I sauntered home, untying my hair. It makes me feel gloriously beautiful whenever my scrunchy loosens its grip and my hair drapes like a curtain, resting on my shoulders. I smelled my hair. Finally I managed to shampoo my hair. (after 2 days!) I then recalled the number of hair- stylists saying things bout my hair. They always shook their head in either disappointment ( cause they need to spend more time trimming my hair) or in amazement (cause my hair is not only thick but voluminous!!) One hair-dresser called my hair 'grass' and another said, in his thick chinese accent,' Its ok if you are loosing hair what, you still got alot la. no point worrying' At that same time I was thinking whether I should spill my cup of hot tea on his pants.
I reached my room which happens to be the store room and saw a large bag. I knew there was something for my birthday. I sqealed in delight. I do that almost always whenever I get home, even without apparent reason. Kaisah thinks I got crazier after workinf at Exxon. I knew the gift was from Mom, the teddy-bear wrapper was her trademark. I ran into their room and said," Thanks Mom, Thanks Dad. I saw your gift in the store" Mom said, " you are welcome, my daughter is 22 soon. I will always love her" I just love it when she adderesses me as the third person. My dad echoed. He is never good with words and whenever he tried I would burst out laughing. He would sulk awhile ( and he would look ridiculous) and I will smile at him to make him feel better. My Most Beautiful Smile.
I waited for 12am to open my present but Missy Kaisah burst my bubble. Hey silly, you were not born at 12 am sharp! Oh Gosh she is right! ( she wasnt suppose to be that smart, hehe, just joking!) So i planned to wake up at 5am so I can open with gift with mom and Dad.
Morning came and it was 7am. Mom is obviously at work already and Dad, lovely father, did my packed lunch for work. I knew it was his way of saying Happy Birthday. He twitched my right foot while I was still in bed and said in Malay," Myra, Happy Birthday eh" I giggled in my semi-conscious state and replied in Malay," thank you, dad"
I scurried to work as always, late..... and everything stopped. everything.... and guess what....my black boots betrayed me. i slipped and fell on the pavement. And yes, right infront of the kindergarten, right infront of the nosy mothers and right infront of the buzzing Philipinos. This is just great, its my birthday and God gave me a permanent mark of love. A wound. Great. Somehow I always blame misfortune on the All-Mighty. Pretty screwed logic, huh?
Regained my balance and limped to work. I was professional enought to still waddle like a model. Sashay, sashay. But I gave up controlling the pain and continued limping..Haha. Reached the office and the familiar smell of Nasi Lemak hits my senses. Too bad, the wound is beginning to sting bad. I could see blood on my pants. I couldnt even say a proper 'Hi' to Jean Francois. Bet he wondered whats wrong with me. I was hidding my contorted grimace on my face. Like a poor lonely soul I mend my wounds (literally and metaphorically) with gauze I found in the first aid kit I hate scars... I have too many of them....
After work, I went out with Ming and Ee Wah to Ikea. Met Trace and we went shopping. Girls Time Out ;) Trace and J.T got me a world map for my birthday. Haha. I love it. My dreams of exploring the world is materialising!! I am gonna hang it in my store room. Yes, I live in a store room.
Got home. Apparently they locked the dooooooor! I hate that, but I had a feeling I know what is about to happen!! Haha! Let me tell you what happened the last time, exactly last year.
My sis told me to come home quick. So I did, cause my family usually have family emergencies now and then. So when I came home, mom said Uncle THomas bought me a gift and its in my store room. So dats what the fuss is all about. Opened the door and guess what I saw?? A bunch of 21 year olds packed like sardines, each armed with a plastic cup pf water. My head caliberated," something is not right" I realised it was an ambush! I shouted," MUMMMMMMYYYY" Too late, i was sprayed with water by my high school friends. My mom mastermined this wretched event! It was a darn wicked party, cake fight, water parade, food feast. You name it.....! Thank God this year was more conventional!
A cake waited patiently on the table with my family around it. 2 Huge candles and 2 small ones. Gifts all nicely tucked in pretty wrappers and off course thepresent I was suppose to open 12 am in the morning today. Mom and Dad got me a pink jacket, sis bought me something i really needed. Missy Kaisah got me a pretty pair of white sling-backs and Arif got me a chocolate bar. It was from the bottom of his heart!! (he kept saying that, cause he wants a piece of it) Its special cause a don think a 9-year old can afford dat ;) when he spends a bomb on play cards and stuff.

It was all worth the fun. All of it. Its worth living till this age, when you have people loving you. I told Claud my birthday wish was to get attached to someone, like David Blaine. I got my wish.

Everything was pure Magic today.

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 00:22

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Life of Pi

Today, I woke up singing, 'I had A Bad Day Again', at least I thought that was the title. The day before was worse, my head was heavy from all the stress. Emotional ones. When things just go absurdly wrong. Not with me, but the people I love.

My sis and once a upon a time, my sweet friend Feek.

Its amazing how I care for people who dont care back. I guess I am too giving. Too giving cause I am highly selective to whom I give my love. I will never give up on them, even when squabbles happen. Its always me who gives in and now, I gave up giving..

So as I woke up, feeling a lil giddy, I waddled my way into my toilet. I made sure no one's home, cause then I could casually saunter with my towel. My favourite ultra tiny towel. Makes me explore the feminity I occasional portray. I longed to wear my ultra minis, my legs are my best assets.

I knew I was gonna be L. A.T. E. And I usually, almost always, have a good reason to assure myself, I didnt do it on purpose. But this time, it was soooo real. I didnt wanna go work. Cmon its WEDNESDAY! And I had to pack my lunch Mumsie had nicely prepared for me and I had to search for my socks and I had to put on moisturiser, the office is this a merciless moisture sucker. Merciless. I would have my skin peeling at the end of the day. I put my SPF 15 Garnier moisturiser with my tube of body lotion from the NSC in the nifty drawers, in the office. Oh did I tell you ExxonMobil fitted safety chairs. It darn darn darn comfy, darn. I trotted pass the neighbourhood, passed the lil entertaining pre-schoolers, passed the buzzing Filipino maids, the gentle whisperings of the kindergarten teachers, as though they are trying very hard to please the anxious mothers who cant help peeing in-between the glass panes to look at their children, who probably don give 2 hoots bout them.

Darn I forgot to wash my hair!

I knew I was gonna be late, so I paced a lil. Again, you can see Myra trying to conceal her guilt, even though there isnt one. Its a battle.

I reached the LRT platform, and guess what... the unthinkable happened. A carriage just whizzed passed! Oh well, what else could go wrong.. And you guessed it, once I reach the train platform, the train to HarbourFront whizzed purposefully passed me. It seemed so malodramatic, ey? But its the truth, all true. And my head still was spinning. Why is there a need for people to work on Wednesday?

I realised that was a dumb question, its the middle of the week because of the holidays you get on the weekends, which is 2 days away.

Once I grabbed a seat,( oh its a sport just trying to walk/ run fast enough to grab a seat), I opened my paperbag and indulged in my subscription of TIME magazine. Uuuuh this is life.. Nothing beats good news from the world by just reading a few pages of, seemingly worthless, flimsy magazine.

I love non-fiction cause I dream tooo much (I need realism to as a check). Waaay to much. Dreams made my nights and fantasies coloured my day. Especially when I am short-sighted. I cant savour the sights..I just got to imagine how beautiful things look. Bout Bush, bout China and her Hong Kong, son. Bout China and the U.S., pretty effy. Nuclear threats and all. Best of all, bout the Muslim radicals in London. The terrorists just do it, no subtleties, no innuendoes, just plain direct, usualy shocking warning, few months before the terror strikes. Cant believe some nations can be dat ignorant, or blatantly dense, not to take these people seriously. But terrorism is unIslamic, no offense. I wish I knew what caused such fervour in them. Like what Prof Hassan Al Atas said, there are many things unknown to our generation, about the rift between Middle East and the Western Countries. MANY... I wish I could speak to him again.... I wanna know who exactly makes up the terror network. I am sure its not only Al Qaeda.That fascinated me. Like Hellllllooooo, whats the thing bout always saying, so and so is a, "suspected member of the Al Qaeda network" You dont know the middle east enough to know bout the other networks? I believe there is more... I heard the Europeans wanna freeze the accounts in some banks which are suspected of transferring money for terrorist violence... I hope this doesnt mean the end of Islamic Banks.

And then there was work... this is where I glanced endlessly at words and more words. Process and flowcharts. CRM!! Arrrrgh. If only there was propoer documentations. Cmon people, lets get organised. Work was manageable cause my supervisor Tuck Fatt is pretty nice. He is nice to talk to, we were never on personal terms but thats the way I like it. Hard Core Work!!

And there was lovely Ming, my fellow intern, who is probably a most angelic person in the entire office, at least for level 8. ( i dont know may people) She got me 2 pairs of lovely, simple sweet, little darling earrings.....! I was sooooo touched! My first present in the year. Way before my birthday!! She recalled me saying my sisters usually take all my earrings, until, I was left with none. Can you believe she remembered that. She can see through me and she admires the fact that I am very frank. I said I am but to some people they may think I am just bitchy. Heheh. I love the earrings..

Jean Francois... How do you pronounce that??

J.F is an intern, a canadian born, fiction enthusiast. I wont say enthusiat, maybe meat enthusiast who cooks, washes and cleans after himself. He loves Montreal, I hope to know more about the things he is saying. Its like he was an airplane hovering on the western region of the world. I am like this little kid, all so anxious and excited about my first trip on this airplane, Intriguing indeed. I wish I knew more so I can engage in the conversation. I call him foreigner. Nice chap ;)

I returned home with a book recommended by yours truly. I dont like fiction, but I will give this a try. Thnks Jean.

I love you, Khairun, for being my nemesis and my angel.
I love you Lina, for being my street directory, so much I learnt from you.
I love you Mom, for doing the laundry and cooking my lunch for me everyday...

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 23:03

Monday, July 11, 2005

miss FIT

where do i fit in?
in people's lives, in those lives that really matter to me.
who matters to me?
thats the question.

sometimes i envy doctors, psychiatrists, enginneers, authors and all professions
the world just cant do without them
how their own family members hold them in recognition
their lives interspersed with important routines which kept the world ticking
their existence matters more than an average man,
their profession if a gift of good traits they were destined to have,
however 'professional' they are.

what am i?

who mattered?

does my presence create an impact i long to live for?

i looked in retrospect and shudder. i could count the number of people who actually cared if I. Hmmm, this calls for a speculation, an internal audit.

Have I lost touch with anyone who wanted to be my friend?

Yes, sometimes I feel having relationships, normal relationships with people very troubling. There is this anxiety I get when friendships try to bloom. I can reach them only if they persue it or after I have gone through a hard time unintentionally. I am reserved, feeling of claustrophobia gives me a fainting feeling. I know there are a few twerpies I heard from, callin me stuck up and hey! No offense! It takes one bitch to know another, right? Relationships are the hardest thing I could maintain. It affects alot of me, negatively. In the sense that, I am afraid to care, to love and to show concern. To reach someone at another level, to be completely open to another individual of my deep secrets and troubles. I just cant, unlike most of my friends.... Sometimes it scares me to think that one day, i might just not love anymore. It even worries me when my collection of inanimate friends grew in abundance, while my collection of humans friends disappear.

I dont know, maybe I don matter as much as I want myself to be. Its like the saying,

"Respect has to be earned"

If i wanna be visible in the eyes of those who cares, I have to work on it. I gotto to learn to trust, to love and to care. Even if I fall into the same trap of being taken for granted, so that at the end of the day, I matter to them. I matter to the world. My existence counts. Don wann be like just anybody but a real somebody... ;)

Back to earth, I wanna say I love Lina, my buddy. I miss the times we spent in Sec Sch. I think I took her for granted.

Dad, I love every bit of you.

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 22:11

Sunday, July 10, 2005

whats been up?

I mIss everything in life, and I do not know why exactly I said that. Alot took place and I was really amazed and a lil proud, just a lil, to have gone through so much in life. It makes me feel that I actually have a story to tell to my lil Myras. Hehe!

As you could tell from the glee in my tone, I have gotten over the dreadful internship at FACT software. I have moved into a MNC. To many, it seemed as a great thing, but to me, I am just very lucky. I am under Lubes and Specialties doing Base Oil Sales. Pretty fun, well I hope so for the next 6 months. Weeeee!
I miss my buds at FACT. I recalled the last day I had at FACT SOftware. It was all so nostalgic. I had the best seat in the whole office, facing the Tanjong Pager wharf ;) And I had the best room, the Accounts Room which secluded us from the rest of the Office. Best of all I had the best pals, Man, William and of course JinCheng a.k.a Ryan Ho. I learnt alot, though, not in the most pleasant. I remembered gossiping with the rest of the interns. These buds of mine would chill, or should i say seek refuge from the mundanitites of FACT life to have a spice of fun and rumours. I had the best time of all listening to all sort of bitching bout the company. We loathe the Management and the Big Boss seemed a lil to busy to care. hahah. I enjoyed the toilet breaks and tea breaks I had with Man and Ryan. We had a special key to open the ladies door, we paid visits to Old Chang Kee where Ryan the saviour helped the damsel in distress of an aunty to solve the air-con problem at that place. Nice dude. I wanna say thnks to all the interns who made it all so FUN.
Man, Wil, Ryan, Chris, Mark, Ellena, Fazli, Titus, Bhavna, Jian Sheng ( e Pole-Vaulter), Wahida, Vikram, Ben, Kish, Shanice, Fang Kai, Shishir, Shashank and Prajaktha

Uuuuh we took a lot of photos

I see if I can get Man / Chris / Faz to upload it.

Updates

Waxed my legs which is soooo darn cool, i love the feeling of hot wax on my legs.
Cut my fringe, the dudes say I looked chinese ;)
Went for Stageit Musical, Anything Goes
Attended my Cousin's Wedding and they are already migrating to Arizona
Ended FACT Software
Started work at ExxonMobil
Went shoppin for clothes
Did the finances for Uncle' wages as he was away in Shakalin, Russia
Listening ear to one of my cousin's family problems
Listen to people whinning bout money, money, money
Listen to a mother's disappointment for her son who just told her bout his chinese girlfriend
Ate dinner with Shiks after we havent chill for a looong time, we were discussing about how the Kental Clinque disintegrates because people just don want to understand one another and give in.
Went out with Claud after a looong time
Did Salsa for the first time!!! And I love it. Went with Mike and his buds and he was the most gentle salsa teacher
Spent time with Kaisah and Arif, my nunu siblings
Cooked the family Tom Yam Soup as well as treat them to huge serving of seedless grapes, lovely!

Upcoming stuff I am looking forward is the Boston Brass, if I can get tic and if I have someone to go with as well as Shereen's wedding at Furana Hotel. Lucky her, she got an English dude ;) She went on summer vacation and she gets to marry a English Muslim dude. Heheh, it would be really cool. I am looking forward to go for another Salsa outing with Mike and this time I should ask Fazto join us. I love Salsa.

and i still love you mom for knowing everything in my heart, even if I didnt tell you anything.