Tuesday, November 22, 2005
I get crushed..
Interesting title aint it? Some may wonder,
"
when does myra ever get crushed?, that ever-jovial lanky Missy"Not to worry, this Missy only gets crused when her emotions get stolen, which in fact, does occur pretty rarely. Considering, Missy Myra is a feministic brat. I love the sounds of that.
Back to the stolen emotions. I detest people who nonchalently walk into my life, pull some of my well-welded heartstrings and casually make me vulnerable like a smashed apple crumble, melt me up like a creme brulee and dip nachos into the sweet salsa sauce in me. (that wasn't a sexual innuendo.. bargh..) You see, it takes a bloody lot to make me deliriously dreamy, esctatically excited, fumingly flabbergasted with his demeanours. The pain comes in from his suave movements, his clarity in unwasteful thoughts and his gentle manners... i worry when what i enjoy,
pure machismo, works all so fine. With all this exhausting pain and anxiety, I hate to break it to you, dear readers, I am actually masochistic ( not in a sexual sense of the word... at least not for now ;P). Its not just me and hot wax.
Its not in his richess, his lovely words, his constant attention, his looks. Not at all. Its his thoughts of guidance, his shield of care, his opague emotions, his street-wise, his nonchalence!, his objectivity with things around him, his love for the misfortune, his respect for discipline and rules of many worlds,
his eyes...He stole the emotions I have kept pristine and safe, right in front of me. He has the father figure I relish, I wont call it fatal attraction though cause he is not a superbly gorgeous. His tall, his clean shaven, his well-built and thats great enough, for simple me. Usually gorgeous girls get average looking men. Hahah, that was a plain innocent joke. I am sure he is cute for some girls.
It all happened unintentionally and most of the things fell into place, but I doubt he knows my feelings towards him, Mr X.
(Hahah, you think I will tell you who...? Fat chance!) I don't think he will ever know, knowing how we are racially different. Very different lifestyles and different
modus operandi. I guess racially issues never fail to fail me. I dont fancy guys of my race and other races probably have issues with Muslims. Yes! Even though we are living in the sunny, well-integrated multi-racial Singapore.
So what happens to Missy Myra at the ennnnnnd of all these cassanovic thoughts, her emotions get crushed, terribly crushed. But a good thing bout my emotions is, it lives life like a phoenix, it will grow new life from its ashes, exactly where it got burnt. Like a mathematically equation, i will validate myself. Logging the good and the bad times we shared, minus the Racial Factor, divide by my misdemeanor of being extra vocal, multiplied by my height (in cm), subtract my blemishes I have cultivated through the weeks and root that with his idea of a submissive Korean bride. After that divide iy by my feministic views. The final quotient should subtract the unluckiness I might have with men. My yearnings of being lascivous just dies when it comes to
straight-fully, right guys like Mr X. So that leaves a probability of 0.088?
Well then, my broken heart is yet to be fully cemented with sand, plaster and water. Another right guy might come anyway, like always, before the whole process reinvigorates itself, a perennial cycle. It is however exciting to see him at work and walk pass him intentionally, and not say anything, though you are looking out at the corners of your eyes to see if he trailed your moves. Its exasperating when I select the scent-of-the-day early on weekday mornings, to see its effects on Mr X. Interesting to learn of ways you can bump into him before the turnstile and say a casual 'Elo' and misplace my glance at another guy, like it doesnt mean much. Its hard thinking of what to say to another guy, sitting behind him, just to illustrate my kindness and social nature is not meant for only him. And I do treat him special ;) Somehow I wonder, whats in it for him, if we got together? What can I do as a woman of his life. Hmmm,
lets see.... I can:
- Take care of him when his parents are away
- Cook dinner after challenging day at work
- Be a confidante, although he has a baggage of it himself
- Get his Economist when he needs a reading before sleep
- Invest in a snooker table, in case his friends come by, I dont do Mahjong.. ;p
- Buy a superb Tag Heuer watch which tickle manly fancies, although I know that is not all men fancies... ;)
How bout that? :) Hahahahaha.
On the flip side, I am finding hard to tell this other person I dont wanna hear from him anymore. He has been great and he is not pushy or anything. I just don't want him to waste his feelings, when I clearly know we have no common interests and we lead a way different lifestyle. At least I have quite a lot of things in common with Mr X.
Haiz..... I wish meeting the right person is simple and easy, that the one you yearn, is someone who can bring the best in you, fulfil, at least half, your dreams, take you through life and beyond. Be the one you can bury you face in in his chest went things go absolutly wrong. Best of all, someone who requite your pure emotions for him/ her, based on your true self, whatever it may be. Disregard the race, disregard the social stigma that could linger.
Mister X, if you ever get to read this, I am sorry if I am not the one you are looking for, I wish I am. And of course I can, if you let me....I can be the one girl who would give her best to make you happy( provided you are not a chauvanist)
~ Luv mYra.
Myra Abd Kadir~ at 22:04
