Myra is ME

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Me and the Sky

Semua tak Sama - Padi

John sent me alil somethin to soothe my thoughts, Thnks Buddy.

I walked down my fav. lil path towards home, after payin my bills at AXS. My mind recollected the lyrics of the song, as I gazed and muzed under the litted dark blue canvas above.
Yea, I know I shouldn't ever compare the dudes I meet to the one I had and lost...

And the wind praised me with a gentle pat in the back. I walked at an even leisurely pace, pondering whether I have lost that part of me which loves and adores. That part of me which wrote hundreds of poems praisin' love when I indeed was in love. I recalled those days I would hang notes of sweet nothings near my desk to keep me going. Of course these messages were coded, to avoid suspicion from the folks. I used to think everyday, as I opened my locker at the old campus, "this locker door will exhibit my sweet face and my other half soon enough"

A Hopeful and I love that thing about me... Hmm.. Where did it go?

I scanned the sky again and looked for any stray shootin' stars. I saw one on my way home 2 days back.. It was a really special one because it was purely coincidental. It was really solid bright and it had trailing sprinkles. It was shooting straight down, 180 deg. It was good while it lasted, then the sky got pitch black again. A lot like love. I made one wish and that was,

" To be blessed with a really happy life, than anyone in the world could have"

Simple wish and I know my mom will wish for the same thing too, if she sees a shootin star. I hummed the song again, thinkin bout what John said. And I analysed the situation,

" The more I lead him on, the more frustrated I would get, the more I would hurt. True, no one can ever live up to the old dude. But its unfair to hurt him by inflicting my disappointments of his inedaquacies on him, hoping he would change. At least I gave him a try. And we can still find a friend in each other if all is not lost...."

I took a huge breath and heaved.

I will explain to him when we meet the next time, so he wont be hopeful. And I want him to know that the times with him were very relaxing and fun. Going out with someone simple is sometimes all that I need after a hard day in school.

The trees seemed to sway in unison, agreeing with each word I said. Lin adviced me to let go of him. I already know just what to do.
I looked down on ground and run my eyes on the dried leaves. Brown, and brittle. Fragile. Dried out of emotions and life..

I might be as inconsequential as these dried leaves, detached from the world with little or no love. I might not be motivated to meet anyone after being jaded. So young, but all so jaded. Thats sad.. I might be alone again. Oh no..

Then the early verses of Berhenti Berharap from Sheila on 7 hit me like a tidal wave. My eyes swelled and the past flashed. Total recall. Suddenly I lost control and everything felt heavy, I slumped automotically and sat on the side of the slope by the concrete path, on the dewy grass. My hands clasped my eyes and I simple cried to my hearts content. I cried to the music of the wind, and I knew it was too dark and too late for anyone to notice or hear. I soaked the edges of my night dress, the one I would wear whenever I feel dreary. Blue horizontal stripped dress. I sobbed with errectic rhythms, good enough for a gdnite lullaby for myself.

" Stop hoping, Myra.. He is indeed gone. And even if no one can replace him in entirety, I am sure the next one will be better. Don compare... Don hurt anyone if the only thing he did was to make you happy, even if he doesnt fit the bill. Everthing will be fine.."

I looked at the stars and counted if there is still 8 visible stars, hoping that I didn lost a chance to wish upon a falling star while I was crying. This, would indeed be a good time, for a wish. I sat for a lil while more, thinking how far I have come in life..

From a goody-two-shoes in primary school to a prancing adult in SMU. I did what I planned for myself before 23 and thats good enough. Even if the future is bleak, even if my family and friends are too busy to love me, I still have the sky, the moon and the stars. Even if I breakdown, I know I can pick myself up without anyone by my side. Even if I slipped into the gallows of love and lost, I know, I can turn to nature to soothe the pain. Even if I ever failed in life, I will win the next battle in line. Well, it IS self consolation. For this is Me.. Myra is me..

I grabbed the nearest dried leave and held it. I cleaned the dirt away, smoothed it between my palms, held it to the sky.

I wont let this die alone..
As long as I live.




Myra Abd Kadir~ at 19:52

Saturday, March 11, 2006

SISter... SISter

One thing for sure, what makes a woman a woman, is going against the expectation of men, claiming women to be less capable . That takes courage, discipline and a good strategy. But what makes a woman more than a woman, if being over an above what other women think of you. And, trust me, thats important.

An angle in which a woman would analyse you is through the womanly traits you were given as a birth right as well as those qualities you acquire as you strive through the challenges of life. The one physical aspect women (and men) usually spontaneously/ instinctively talk about is the physical attributes of a woman. Be it at a social gathering, at a semina room, dance workshops, bike repairing shop, office, sch's kopitiam, family functions. The first thing that hits you when checking a lady out, is her looks. Be it a Prof, be it ur long lost cousins, be it the salesgirl at Zara..

Appearance...

The reason why I am bringin out this topic is because I like to observe girls. (I am not a lesbian or a bisexual being) I think women the more beautiful gender of the two God created. I like to judge a woman's wear, her tummy, her size of pores on her face, her shoes and her fingers. A corporate lady in power suit with moisturised hands and neck is a gem. A pregnant lady with cherry cheeks (on the face) and bagless eyes is rare. A girl with pleasant fashion taste, high heels and a confidant exterior is gorgeous. AND trust me, my opnions are as universal as they can get as I am influenced by the covers of Her World and Elle.

It bullshit if a girl cant make the effort to dress up. Bullcrap... unless she doesnt mix much in society, like full time mothers and grandmothers. But people living in the cosmopolitan world should make an effort to upkeep their appearance. I say UPKEEP and not over embellish. Cause you need not like Paris Humper Hilton, Winona Hot Rider, Angelina Pembusted Joline, Beyonce Crap Knowles, Mariah Fat Carey to be sexy or hot. You need not expose that neckline, or curvaceous legs to be a killer. You just need to put in the right amount of effort into dressing up.

Start with heels even if you are frankenstien tall. You can start by excercising to thin your bulky frame. I assure you cardio does wonders to the butt and the thighs. The tummy/pouch/ belly must not be blantantly flabby and thanks to the invention of gurdles. Moisturise the face, necks, hands and feet after bathing. Choose clothes which are bold (don be afraid of being BOLD) but respectably decent. Choose those you can wear with several different occasions. Dont buy too many kuniang clothes from Hangten, Baleno, S&K.. Cause its budget shop which is POPULAR with the teens. Nice places to shop cheap is Bugis Street and Fas East Plaza. Read magazines when you have nothin to do on a Sunday mornin. Wear high heels whenever you could. You don have to sit cross legged to be a girl. Sometimes like a man, makes a girl sexier sometimes, if she has the right attitude to pull it off. Legs apart 30-45 deg from the groin. Walk with a stacatto, fast and long strides. Don walk heavily like a bear or a fat monster. Light tap of the heels is all you need. Don be clumsy, eg look out for places you can hold in the train, in case, the trains jerks. Ergonomics....Its kindda nice to see a girl walkin confidently and fast, like she knows alot of purpose in life. And I think women should return a smile when she receives one from the guys. Of course, not to an old pakcik or ah pek who is clearly, cheekyly checking out on you. But lets not be cynnical, not all men checking you out have indecent intentions. Some are exploring beauty, which maybe, you yourself don think you have.

On the social aspect, I guess women should be more genuine. Don use hints, say what you think. If you don have anythin to say, shut ur gap. Haha... Til then.

Love you, Khairunessa ;) You are pretty and You know it, you still need alot of growin but take your time...

~ written in response to my sister's bloggie: hair, legs and all in betweens

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 12:28

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Secret Wish(s)

How come my parents no longer reward me when I ace an exam anymore...

My secret wish No. 1: D200

Out only last Nov. I love this black beast for its suave interface, smaller than its father. With 10.2 megapixels, you cant ask for more. I love it for its shutter flutter, mega quick. Its like, it will word hard for me, to make me happy. What is more important is the stability of this lean machine. Less vibration, less noise. I heard they say this dude sees the world like the photographer does, which means, all the colours you see live, you will also see it in prints. No need to adjust white balance, and maybe you dont need filters to get pro. results. I am gonna have to work hard learnin to get the right exposure on things, especially on capturing close-ups ;) One thing to worry bout D200 will be its limited battery life.. hmmm..

I can just imagine my camera and I chillin at Ang Kor Wat or.. or.. down the Chao Praya River.. or.. or.. sailing into Guilin.. or.. or in Dili.. capturing the natives there in their pristine form. Whoa...whoaa... what a dream. Its gonna be a dream cause its costs a sweltering S$3300 +. Am gonna need a sugar daddy for this one ;p



My wish No. 2: Zen Vision

Sometimes, living in a tiny cell with 7 other people leaves you little space for solidarity. I need that most of the time to step back and look at the world to see if I can make changes to make everybody's life better. I think solace in music makes you surrender yourself to passivity. What better way to lay back on the beach and relax with Zen Vision? I can view loads of photos, max of 3 movies and mvs. Own time own target ;) yea...And course I can get FM radio which you cant get with an iPOD video ;p Hahah. But what matter most... is essentially.. good music. Sometimes I just wanna tune to Jazz to bring sweet memories of romance and the courting days, grunge to remind me of the little crazy past of teenage rebellion, punk to ignite memories of the countless gigs I have been too, classicsl like P. Canon in D (band days), salsa to practise basics 1 and 2 and 3, arabic to understand the diffe. jargons they have or plain pop on radio.. Not sure how much it will cost, but sure enough it will be a bomb. I know you will be saying...

"Thats another dream righttt, Myra?"


No no, not a high maintainance girl ;) Not a techie Missy. A girl just wanna have fun ey??

Anyway for the sweet flicks which I didnt get to meet at Chai Chee, I am sorry la...

BUT last night was blast!! Not that it wont be a blast when I am with you guys.

What a friday night....

"And it was all yellow..... "

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 10:26

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