Myra is ME

Monday, July 31, 2006

grooch

felt numb dis mornin.. i dont wanna wake up. not now not ever.. I have tis heavy feelin in my head as I contemplate the rest of the week. i wanna be alone and always wanna be alone... i hate these days... where's my teddy bear...

~ missymyra down w fever.

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 18:02

Sunday, July 30, 2006

28 th July: Steppin A Year into AdultHoooood...

I was in a rush friday mornin, I missed JC phone call and I sure missed the 8am train to school. Damn, its my birthday!! Hahah, somehow I had a mixed feelin of both joy and pain, but what I do know Friday was going to be a darn long day... not because its my birthday.. but because I already have things to fulfil for that friday, like any other fridays.. School, tuition arabic homework and arabic classes.. "ok ok, myra. u have responsibilities... perform it!" I trained myself to stuff my emo, troubling thoughts about ageing. The time passed and until I know it, the euphoria that I usually had on my many birthdays, disappeared. It vanquised. To much of my surprise...! When I was younger, I always told myself.. I would refrain from bein as listless as adults, as egoistic as adults, as boring as adults and as pessimistic/cynnical (though realistic) as adults... but HEY..I am that Adult. And that was when I realised, I was numbed by ageing. I couldnt perserve that innocence of being unjudgemental, patient and accommodating. School esp in SMU has taught me to fight fight fight! Work has taught me to focus focus focus! And life has told me to work work work. Whoa... scary.. I am the Adult I never wanted myself to be.

But of course, its fortunate I have people around me that appreciate my desire to be child-like, to be rejoicing my birthday, rather than bein listless bout it. My family taught me to laugh at the the lamest, most un-funniest jokes, my friends, consoling me to take a breather by treating me Sakae Sushi, buying a muffin to replace me a melted cake, pickin me up from work to chill with the rest and callin me up at work to wish me a lovely birthday! I dont care what gift they gave, but their time and love is all I need to restore that child in me, so I wont be what I hate myself to be. True, ageing will cause you to mature.. focus more at work and in school, be impartial when making decisions and making critical judgements on important issues, but not to the extent of being listless. Thats a sure road to unhappiness....

I just returned from a chill out session with Lin, Beid, Nas , Fik and Ridz and the homely feeling Ridz described was apt. I know these people will catch my back. I do have a foreboding feelin that this homeliness might end, but lookin at how far we have been thru together... it wont end in the near future, in God's will ;> Here is a listing of who wished me first on my birthday..as I listed for my previous birthday.. You will know the rational of such a listing at the end of this entry..

Beidah, on the 26th cause she claimed Friendster annouced it on the 26th (excuses...)
Nasri via sms
JC via lunch at Sakae Sushi
William Chua... aka Uncle William, wil be off to France soon ey! Have Fun Dude. He hope I will get a perfect job and a perfect dude, on my birthday.. Unfortunately... that didnt happen ;P
Sameer, my TJ friend whom I met at Arabic class just recently, I knew his birthday is in July too ;) 25th.
Taufik, my best bud who knows I remember his birthday, even if I didnt wish him, I miss the times we chill together.
Lina, my best girl bud who taught me how to grow up faster.
Chris, my FACT ex-colleague whom I enjoy being with when it comes to bitchin' ard ;)
Claud, my cry buddy when things go wrong and bad guys have somethin to do bout it
Mom and Dad, while I was on my way out to Arabic lessons. Mom gave me a hug, Dad didnt give me anything ;P
Art, who gave me muffin cause my birthday cake melted in the car and gave me a CD which had the "sounds of the ocean" cause he cant bring me the sea.
Zahdan, who obviously forgot it was my birthday, cause he was certainly the one of the last to wish me... So much for being best friends... ZZzzZZ
My 2 favourite uncles; Pak Busu and Pak Andak. Mak Busu got me a brooch set, hopin I wld put on the tudung soon. He he! My sis invited them over for a surprised birthday party. My mom and sis got me an Adidas watch. Weeee! And we had a humble portion of peanut butter cake which obviously wasnt enough, cause it was sooooo NICE!
Shahidah, who didnt know whether my birhday was on the 28 or 29.. hur hur... (excuses..)
Rizwan who called all the way from Kuala Lumpur to wish me a Happy Birthday on a bright Saturday mornin :> I sure hope things are fine back in Kuala Lumpur. Take care Dude.
Vivin, who found out from Fik when she met him at the fair today :) She apologised for forgettin my birthday when she called me @ work today. We are gonna be Granny Friends when we get older. Its a good thing we set next Saturday to chill after such a long long time.. I miss you Vivin ;)
The peeps from the Kental Clique which included Beidah, Lina, Hashirin, Faridz, Nasri, Shikin, Taufik, Shahidah and Zahdan. They got me a pair of lovely earrings and a blue sha-na-na top. But most cherished was their company, BEST gift for the night :) I wanna thank Nasri for contemplating to surprise me at my house with my family yesterday night, nice of you dude. Hehe, I appreciate that guys...
Johnny Suwarday, aka Johnny Boy. I tell you, who ever marries this dude will be ONE lucky girl. He darn fun and darn frank. Despite bein a lil on the shy and jaded side of life, he still make the best companion in sad lonely days. Give it up for Johnny Boy!
Latha, my sweet old bud, ex-colleague from StarHub. Her birthday on the 26th July. I sortta look up to her cause she has this strong personality, gusto but feminine at the same time. And its something bout how she slurs her words, as if she had not a care in the world.

I love u guys all the same... whether you were the first or the last or the incidental ones to wish me. Cause you know why?? At this age and as you get older, there will be lesser number of people who really care for you personally.. Its just natural progression of life. Priorities change..And so Adults, naturally get more listless, more egoistic, more boring and certainly more cynnical as they go through life long experiences. One solid prove would be the comparision between the number of people who wished me on my 22th birthday and the 23th birthday.... I had 31 the last time round, but now its down almost 50%, despite me wishin more people on their birthdays this year! HAha!

Che Sera Sera... ;)

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 03:35

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Hols Sweet Hols..

Elo Elo... Today marks the last day I am 22. I usually dont get soaked about being a year older but this time round it hits me bad.. I just wanna be alone and I dont wanna see anyone purposefully, just to celebrate my birthday. There is something in me sayin this day will be just bad.. so bad. So amidst all these feelings of negativity, I entertained myself to the thoughts that I have had so much fun on those days building up to my 23 year of life!

What better way than to look thru the fotos from my 3 trips to Msia ;)

This one was with Claud and the lads... I consider this group a multicultural one. We got Claud as the Eurasian one, Mervin as the Indian respresentative, Suffian as both a chinese and a Malay and me wholesomely Malay ( and a mix of Arab blood from my Dad). We had lotsa fun chattin', dissin' peeps ard us that never fail to NOT answering to our clear queries. They are a relaxing bunch of people always lookin out for people with issues. Its nice to know a bunch of intellectually stimulating bunch in a chaos of mediocrity. Wahaha!! And for once I like shoppin' and this can only happen when I am with Claud cause she doesnt drag you along and let you shop in peace.. Claud was the 'Nicole Richie' of the group, Merv was the all patient, gentle dude who is a silent killer when he sprouts his witty comments. He was also suppose to be a "KL Man". Suffian was more of an active dude running all the front line duties like checkin in to hotel rooms and making sure we got up the right bus etc. One thing that surprised me was that, this 2 lads did not take most of the rides in the theme park.. Leaving Claud and I lookin like 2 theme park warriors. We endured many adventures throughout our 3D2N trip and I am certainly lookin forward for another trip with them!

Next up was my 7 D 6N road trip with my family and BOY, was that a fantastic ONE.. In all sense of the word! 10 yrs since we had a family vacation..... 10 Bloody loong Years.. It was late last year that my mom commented we deserve a break as a family, before the children grow old and set up their own little family units. My dad also yearn to go to Langkawi yet again to relish the happy memories we had there, 10 yrs ago. If u yearn for a family fun adventure, allow my family to be the SI unit for smashing family fun...! Where can you find 7 rowdy people allpacked at the back of the Msia Express Bus?Where can you find ur Dad jumping on beds in a smashing 5-Star Hotel?When can you find a pack of 7 chillin under the pondok cursing the rain and eating sunflowerseeds and Pepsi from a single bottle?Where can you find a bunch of 5 siblings all wrapped in towels, hanging out just opposite the concierge??Where can you find a family which did not know how to remove the rented car keys when it was on parking until they have to call an unsuspecting passerby to help them yank the keys out? :P When can you find ur mom screaming and running from being chased by wild dogs while your father shamelessly lefther 200m behind because he too was scared ? Where can you find 3 girls on a banana boat gettin tossed by a HUGE storm wave, in the middle of the sea? And where can you find the most number of narcissistic photo-whores in a family? So we can be an SI unit for family fun!
Its so fun I tell you... and its also sad to think that things might be sooo different once we children get our own career and family up and runnin'.

Lastly was our typical KentalClique fun down at Redang :) I had lotsa time to myself as well as with the clique. I did alot of reflections on the 9-hr each bus rides as well as talked with my buds and catch up with the our lives, all happy, sad and embaressing moments. I learn more bout life and couplehood.. Even though I didnt have one.. A partner has to share both the upside and downside of life and they have to be apart of the very close friends you have. You gotto to be balancing both friends and ur partner very well if you have a bunch of close friends. I, of all people should know, now that 3 of my very close buds are happily attached. I love the beach because it was cool and fair weather on allthe days we had there. I especially like the beach bums we met there.. All so friendly and nice. Best of all, I know times like these have to be cherished. In no time, my buds will be happily married, where all their live focused would not be on chillin out on Saturday nites,hanging out to party for each of our birthdays and certainly no more hanging out under the block in the wee hrs of the mornin. I love you guys..

mairah.fotopages.com

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 19:42

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Caprice

i reserve sunday and monday nights for the tiny light box..nothin i like more than sniggering at the dudes i really fancy on the tele.. nothin cheesy bout that..

i get excited and engrossed, delightingly absorbing their persona into the world around me and welcome, but coyly dissolving myself into my fantasy to make them alive with me in it.. "Shamefully".... And then I get utterly disappointed when the light box suddenly turn up the music and flashes the credits, signalling the unwanted detachment. Suddenly I disapprove of father time being too forbidding.. Suddenly I lust for the impossible... Suddenly... in a surreal way.... Caprice....

I am in love... with 2 ficticious beings...
What an unexpectedly novelty.. for me to be in love...hur hur

Its somethin about him and how he works, his resourcefulness... his dead clear conscience...Its somethin about his determination to execute task which very few men can undertake..Its somethin about his dead clear shots he call, almost, every single time..Its somethin about his authority, which renders me vulnerable as I yield to his deadly cues...Cassanovic....Its somethin about his self-rightious being, but un-full of himself, where is betterment of others pleases him more than his own...Its somethin about his charisma which enlightens the people, especially the ladies around him.. They tempt him, and yes they do... but he almost never strays..Doesnt he lusts? He fantasizes? He craves?Ah yes... His dead clear conscience..Its somethin about his virility... which promises a redolent sanctuaryIts somethin about his wisdom which is unmatched by most around him, So wise is he, which makes the authority above him, humbly bows in appreciation However, all the thropies that mark his traits were humbly tucked deep inside, never once he took out to buff off the rust.

Without further ado..... ( I know I am tormenting you, the incidental reader with such unflavourable illustrations, which is possibly uncalled for and certainly unwanted details of my amorous fantasies)

Presenting.....

Las Vegas's Mike Cannon (James Lesure) and Grey's Anatomy Preston Burke (Isaiah Washington)
N.B. I am in love with their characters, and not them per se.

I shall write like a normal person now... It puzzles me why these two hot guys I really am obsessed with are both black and almost bald. Thats another story but ofcourse physique is one of the big factors to why I love these dudes. Hmmm... I guess I like guys are

confident of not hiding their flaws..
assertive, task-driven and charismatic
are in touch with themselves as well as with others
guys who are competitive yet fun-loving
Suave yet decently menacing
who are altruistic and compassionate
who like they do and do darn well in it

And that job need not to be significant in my life, be it a surveillance agent looking out die-swappers in the Montecito or cardiothoracic specialist performing brain surgery in the OR. But the job has to scream 'professional coolness' for I adore men of authority. Of course altruism is somewhat rare in a men of such status, and don think I dont know that. And of course, sexual appeal comes without saying...

Well, frankly speaking, the roots of my caprice is my utter disappointment in the men I meet, so much so, I seek solace in ficticious men who are carefully crafted by clever scriptwriters. But James Lesure is a real person, isnt he. So these men are not so ficticious at all. I told Lina bout how this dude was not for me. Howeveer in the end she sounded as if I was dissing dip. holders. I dont diss them, I just prefer grads than dip holders, with all do respect. The troubling thing is,I dont know how it got to this topic anyway..... It wasnt meant to be taken personally. I just prefer a man to be superiour than me in terms of professional status. I do have a choice to see it in another way...

1) She might just feel I should keep my head out of the clouds by saying I am not deserving of those lads... My answer to that claim: "You dont think I am deserving of it?"
2) She might just think I am finicky and that the man that I seek exists only in Myra's Lala Land.My rebuttal will be: " Dont underestimate men. Low probablity does not mean impossibility"

But of course, we are chill with ourselves. I respect her views and she respects mine, with much difficulty though. I will not doubt my taste in men no matter how my girlbuds try to change it, for I truly believe such men exists, not to such perfection as character artists may portray them to be, but somewhat similar. Like I said James Lesure is real. I am certainly not hopin for one, cause I shun a life of bachelorette. Unfortunately, I just have a great feeling the guy I will end up with will be short off most of those characters I yearn from a man, (lets hope whoever the dude is does notstumble upon this blog, cause if he does.. he gets utterly demoralised and I will end up a spinster with a pet cat. Haha..) On the otherhand, he might just be up to the challenge ;) That is the real test of machismo... test of virility...test of courage?? Or are those men already married? But James Lesure is NOT ;)

In the good words of fellow mate, Wayne Soon," Dont expect anything...."

ironic ....

p.s. i don wanna be 23 so soon...

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 02:59

Friday, July 14, 2006

In day all spent in a song...

On my way to meet Wayne, Tina and Claud @ Balaclava and I was playing "Yellow" by Coldplay. I played my day on fastforward replay...

Mornin began with a great dream only to be interrupted by Kaisah, or better known as 'Kanchis'. The story on how that name got its form... another time ok. But thats another lovely, noteworthy event. She said mom called for me and that she is not feeling too well. I know just what that means... I got to takeover the canteen stall for her... ohhh bother...

So there I was weepin in the loo for awhile cause I was so dead tired, not to forget pissed at what happened to Daddy's bike at Far East Carpark, not to forget the simple dude didnt make me feel any better, not to forget I am gettin nervous by the day about chilling too much with friends, not to forget I got tuition and work obligation almost every other day and lastly, not to forget, I am feeling like the only living person on earth, with friends who are too darn busy with their careers and their other halves. But I found my way to the canteen with mom on a cab Kaisah called for. I still remember its number, "5124" Like I still remember the number to order Straits Times, "6388-3838" and the number of my first hp number, "9452 3874" and bla bla bla. (I am feelin very depressed now) So when i stepped into my reality nightmare aka the CHIJ St Joseph canteen I was doomed till 3pm. Mom gave the instructions while I follow through. It was filled with tension. I has to stir-fry garlic plus onions till golden brown as the same time the stirr the boiling beef stew and as the same time as the brewing mee siam broth. I had to add salt and pepper to all those dishes onthe raging stoves, which incidentally beCAME my favourite part of cooking since that day. I had to serve those irritating girls who demands for dallops of soaked scallops each time they shouted, "Rice Please!" They are like brutes, at least some of them. I sent Khairun to pick Mom up to send her to the Dr. How I wish she was responsible enough to pick up her damned phone whenever I called. When Mom set off, I was on my own.. trudging in the stall, doing this and that, on auto mode..

After that cursed moment, I went off to Hougang to get my 3 mths supply of toiletries. I love the smell of Loreal Pure Zone on my skin. I went to get a bathing towel, my favourite piece of bathing equipment cause it scrubs all the dirt off and my facial cottens, quality ones, mind you costing me $1.50 for 240 pieces. Then I skipped home, hoping I could get some rest. Which I did la, in front of the computer...

ok I have tuition now... no time to finish the story.. later.