Monday, August 21, 2006
Dancing with the wind
Woke up with a smile today... Like I knew today will be better than yday. And its already started on a good note. My sis and I talked bout how we are still hurt by what was in the past. She reassured me, loving myself too much wasn't a crime and that it stemmed out from a bad past. However, I sensed she acknowledges I am doin a good job receiving thoughts like that from friends.
I believe, tactless wouldn't be a word to describe what I say to people. I believe, my friends deserve me to be honest to them, just like how honest they are to me. Just like Zahdan and Lina. Just like most of my buds. As relative as how people can tolerate honesty, people sharing their honesty also has a treshold. The more they keep it in them, the more they feel guilty for not sharing, especially when their remarks meant to help.
And I do live my standards I have tenaciously defined for myself. Given the past, I tend to be more reserved, full-of-myself and may come across as uncaring and potentially listless. I choose to love certain people because they have showed me they really care, sincerely. I choose not to love certain people because they have hurt me and proven to be unafflicted through the whole ordeal. Of course, to be fair, I communicate to them how I was hurt and if it was my fault in the first place, I humbly apologise. Its a defence tactic I live by and I doubt I need to explain to justify my birth-right of a character.
In this world, like many other worlds before ours, people live with screens on their faces. They put fortresses around them, just in case. In their minds they set pivot tables to rank their thoughts, priorities and principles. They walk in both confidence and insecurity in the volatile world. Of course now, it is more volatile than ever. They seem to both, dance and struggle in the winds of life. Neither here nor there and the only things sheltering them are their fortresses and their screens; their thoughts, priorities ans principles which are guided by their individual conscience. A screen is always there to mask the turmoil under their skin.
And yes, it always cloudy in my world and thats the way I like it.On the bright side of things, I appreciate the friends who share their thoughts of me. It shows me you care :) Thnks buds.
Myra Abd Kadir~ at 09:44
