Myra is ME

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Myra made it to 28 :)
thanks to the guys who dropped me birthday liners, appreciate it lots.

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 14:49

Passing Out Parade~

Here I am sitting in my humble bomb-shelter of a room, thinking about my mum's essay. She needs to write a 500-word essay to enrol herself in baking class run by WDA. My mum is my heroine. She is Simply Amazing; at her age of 52 has gotten herself a driver's license at the age of 50, and now going for her first diploma in baking! Dear God, I will be so happy if you give me half of her patience and determination.

I had to stay home today, cause I had a bad case of giddiness yesterday. 1st day of Ramadhan. I was in the packed NEL train headed for Dhoby Ghaut and I began to see small black dots. The small dots began playfully filling the roof of the train cabin, it got heavily pregnant and gave birth to even more little dots, which became bigger turned to spots. By now, my body grew clammy and I begin to be a lil breathless. In my head, I kepy saying, " Oxygen and space, I need oxygen and space....". I begin to look around, and I realised I cant recognise anyone because, the spots are covering the people too. Oh crap, its happening again. I made my swaying way, out of the train. I am lucky the train headed to Punggol was coming in. With the little energy I had in me, I slumped myself on the seat and rest my head by the glass. I closed my eyes, and by now, the spots over my vision. I got my oxygen and I got my space, and I felt better. Fik told me once, if I passed out, I need my ECG taken so I waddled by way into the Polyclinic. I wasnt sure whether the private clinics has the equipments. I had an express service by knocking onto room 14. My blood pressure was at an all time low, I needed the hospital. I was put on a drip and shipped to Khoo Teck What. Oh My Goooodness, I am thinking of God, my mum and dad and J-Se.

I hate hospitals, I hate feeling weak on the stretcher like I am totally incapacitated, whats worse the entire polyclinic saw me being wheeled into the ambulance. I told the Poly doctor, there is no real need to go to the hospital, I patiently explained in my sad, disoriented state that, I have had this before, and all I needed my ECG results, to outrule, heart attack and stroke. I wish Fik was there to fight off this dragon lady, the perks of having your best friend as a Dr ;) So there I was getting my blood pressure taken every other minute, and being poke many times to get my blood sugar reading. Boring boring boring, though I was amused by Dr Das, he ran around the A&E like he owns the place, and he spoke 4 different languages. I dont like him cause he was this smug chap, who knows everyone knows he is THAT good. He only took cases which were really serious, leaving the rest to his lady colleague, my gracious Dr. Miss Nandita. I admire the confidence, but cockiness is simply 'passe'. Why cant confidence be paired with humility?

AND so, here I am on a reclined chair, receiving my 1 litre drip of sodium chloride. THIS is where I broke my fast on the FIRST day of Ramadhan. Bravo Myra :X I felt better after the drip, ( which the Poly could just have provided me, instead of sending me all the way to Yishun). They did another sugar to blood test, and its still low, thanks to my super high metabolic rate ;) At least I know my body is healthy, I just have to eat more often. As for fasting, I have to take it like a child, half day at a time :) God is great and I think He understands my state, more than the Drs and nurses.

My advice to people who feels faint in crowded places:



Well, I am still doing fine fasting today past 1304hrs, I am at home working on packing my stuff for Lagos. New adventures beacon :)

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Myra Abd Kadir~ at 12:15

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Dreamt

I dreamt last night I was in the balcony of my living room. It seems to me that is already converted into a bathroom and I was about to take a shower. Freaky ey? The thought of bathing just beside my family who might watching the tele just beside didn't seem to irked me. I recalled shutting the windows and the panes so the neighbours would not see. I went out of the 'shower' for a while ( with my towel of course) to get something when my dad recommended me to use a particular shampoo. It's typical of him to recommend me things which might be good for me.

As I was bathing I was looking thru a small hole in the window panes and saw a couple of people who are diving down outside their windows. One with a huge para-sail and another with parachute. They are committing suicide, so I thought as I watched them curiously.. How on earth could you manourver through the blocks of flats with that.

True enough the para-sail failed to open up, the parachutist wad frankly guiding his friend down. Then suddenly I felt like my shower of a balcony began to free fall. I was in total shock, especially in my naked circumstances. I didn't have no para-sails nor parachute, no clothes. I fell down so fast, that I put myself in my 'brace' position; squatting with my hands on y ears. And I prayed.

It really suck living in a room of people. My mum came in and work my sister up. And that ended my free fall.

I kindda guess what this dream means, I had a rough night yesterday..

Prepare my parachute and clothes before I jump
Choose the correct place to jump
Make my dad and mum part of my plans to jump.

Whoa, how's that for a revelation ;)

Morning world~

Myra

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 08:58

At my limit~

Its a good thing this blog is in oblivion. I ran a seach on the web, and I couldnt find this on the 1st google.sg page as it use to. In a way, its hidden in an enclave, at least till one happy wonderer chance upon this blog. The probability of that someone, being someone I know is even that slim, Which is a good thing. I am freer sharing my emotions will complete strangers, than someone I would see again in the future. Strangers are way better at judging me, than those closer. Strangers are more sensitive to issues, as they judge you fresh, right from the start. Strangers tend to be more sympathetic, and attentive so they can assess the situation with whatever information they get first hand from me. They dont judge from the past. And strangers do not know you yet, and you dont know them, they are more interested to hear what you have to say.... I wish a wanderer who is a complete stranger might just render a random visit..

I was in the shower, and as the water from the tap beats on my forehead, I broke down. Sometimes I amaze myself, on how I could stay resolute, calm and confident, but when let alone, I crumble like cookies soaked in tea... And it felt better as I release those tears from my eyes, the tension just gentle radiates out from my aching heart. Wow... powerful tool isnt it ( of course, there is yoga and hypnosis), but this tool is nature-made. I am but alone in this.. They keep asking how would it be like if he is so far? How do you communicate? How is he doing lately? I do know those answers. Its hard, we email and FB, but I dont know how he is really doing. But I just cant say it with a straight face. I know I will crumble cause letting those words out ( to any Tom, Dickens and Charlie) is equivalent to me crumbling under my shower. Why cant they fucking don't ask? Why cant I be fucking frank to them? Why cant I control my sad ridden emotions? Sometimes, he jokes about how I think too much, memorise things too much that I become fake and hypocritical. I take a stand that I will be frank the next time someone asks.

I think I can take it slowly in my own stride to ride this alone, he has issues to resolve with himself, and I want to be strong for myself, for him and for us. I was in the shower when I saw the word 'stay', dotted on my mirror by droplets of crystal water, this was one of those times, that missing him was getting very tough. Hows that for a sign ;) Haaa, if there is one thing I am sure of, its J-Se and me, together. I said it before, I say it now, and I will say it again. I love J-Se and I can see us happily together throughout our lives.

What our plans are, the ambigious at this juncture. And I sure hope he comes around soon. I miss him alot. The distance is definately killing me.. I know its quite a sacrifice with no clear sight as to where this might lead. Trust me, its our wish for it to be clearer.

I love you Sayang, no matter what I am here and you are here in my heart, my mind and my soul. I sing your name when I get excited, and I look to our photo when I get sad. I hold my necklace when my day gets bad, and I pray for the time that you'll be here.. I miss you, like I never did before...

Myra

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 00:21

Sunday, April 04, 2010

2010~

It's amazing, I have made it to 2010.
A lil more mature, a lil more temperamental, but doing a OK ;)

Changes changes changes, expectations to be met everywhere. Sometimes I wonder, am I truly Myra, the Myra I wish myself to be? Lets see, what do I wish myself to be:

1) A wife of the most courageous and caring man. I love to take care of him, when I am free to love him everyday, make him comfortable to the best of my abilities. Shower him to care, good food, good fun times. Make him smile with my presence every single minute. 5 qualities of a good woman I aspire to be; smart, beautiful, good mannerism, sensitive and helpful.

2) A mother of the most lovely children. I think couple life is challenging for awhile, till we get use to it, but family life is even more challenging, and to me, even more rewarding. I was asking Saliza last night about 2 of her child births. Vaginal births, without epidural. Thats what I call a Woman. There is something about pregnant mothers that makes me aspire to be one. Having kids will definately push me to become more like an adult than a child! Responsibilities honey...!

3) My mother's confidante. She is one of the 2 reasons in my life that make me want to be the best woman I can be. She is like a candle in my tumultuous past. Her life is an epitomony of love and sacrifice. Never have I seen someone so dedicated to her family before. Despite her shortcomings, her heart is so pure. She did alot to make me who I am, I may not be great at household chores, but she made me realise what makes a woman is more than her looks. Its the heart inside.

4) A woman who brings herself to places. I really want to make something out of Singapore. Travels are transient affairs. I want something solid, a life worth pursueing. Singapore lost its soul.. My only wish is to still be close to my family and my sweet other's family once we find something concrete.

Well. Lets see 5 years from now, if I become that Myra I love to be.

MsMyra~

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 13:19

Saturday, April 28, 2007

A Revelation

Probably your smile enticed my admiration,
Your amusing jokes and jovial nature
Probably I enjoy your comforting presence
The time we danced, if you remember.
Sentiments hidden in a deluge of secrecy,
Facade used to conceal infatuation,
A mere delusion,
A mere intestacy.
"Studies first, so let the matter rest"
Hence feelings inside were left unprofessed.
Label me not as a sentimental fool
Feeble beings succumbing to vain desires,
For whom I truly ridicule,
For my pride does burn higher.

This, dear reader, was exactly the same poem I gave to my highschool crush. Amaturish, and its somewhat bad. Dont you think? Hehe. I was looking at my old diaries and.. wow. Memories flooded back. I use to keep all these in privacy, cause somehow I was embarressed how our relationship took a bad turn. Now 5 years later, wow, I made it. Amidst feeling lonely sometimes, I felt better. I learnt to be independent and strong. I am still on that road, on my own and sometimes I wished that I had someone to hold my hand and walk with me. Friends? I have loads of them, and I love them all the same. Family? Yes, I have them too, but they can't totally understand whats inside me. I know nobody can. Furthermore, they have other pertinent things in life than to listen to my endless whinnings. They've done a lot for me already. Thanks, you guys.

Till the coming of my happy ending,

Best,
Ms MyraNova

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 08:51

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

2nd Formal Week of Work ;)

Monday was pay-day, so that was good, cause I had sometime to plan out my finances. At work, the numbers havent come in, so thats good news :) I was really thinking of floating some of my accounts so that none is $500 or less. Are u guys aware that they freakingly deduct $2 each darn month, if you leave your account below $500 mark! So imagine those peeps who left their account for yrs and yrs and yrs, without depositing it. They practically use up the cash inside. Wow, $2 each mth is no joke, at least to me. Later the evening, I chilled with Ming and accompany her to Raffles Clinic in Tampines. We chatted over dinner, discussing how life would be when she leaves for Switzerland. I told her, it will be full of challenges and I know she will overcome it well :)
Tuesday was a little uncalled for. In the morning, the usual stomach cramps began to bug me. While riding to work, I knew, its gonna hurt real bad for the rest of the day. I took it well from the time I stepped in office. I gracefully glided into my seat while controlling the painful cramps. Just what could it be? Its not menstrual cramps cause I sure know how to tell the difference. It was just something moving in the intestines. Rosy was telling me not to wait the lunch time to go, if I am in pain. I was half dead when I walked myself to Raffles Hospital, it was utterly painful, I thought I was going to die and that the intestines will expand and expand and burst my stomach open. I was panting, and the Dr. said,' We cant leave you in such pain, you are going to Emergency'. I really couldnt think anymore, cause I knew I was in La-la Land then.. 1 shot of painkillers didnt do the trick and I was still squirming in pain, 2nd shot, sent me zonked out. And this nurse person was being such a pain with the registeration shit (cause they were admitting me for a night). It went something like this.
N: Ah miss ah, sorry hor, since u come alone I got to ask you questions about the admittance, which class you want ah? This is the price range.
M: i didnt get to answer...
N: And, you got Medisave or not? You working where ah? Aiyoh, sorry hor
M: groaning in fr&*king pain..
N: Eh you ok or not? Ok ok, you look here, sign this one ok? For medisave. You take four bed one ah. This good.
M: OK, four-one looks good, got medisave, can claim from company (groans)
At that point of time, they were setting up the 'moving' bed, sent this nice Indian pak cik (translated as uncle) to whizz me to the CT scan room. He never let me out of his sight! Nice pak cik ;) Scanning was another freaky experience all together... I nearly cried cause I was freaking alone in the room, they told me not to open my eyes, not to move, not to breathe... And the noise from the machine... oh man, I wished my mum was there with me... After the scan, I couldnt remember anything, except the time I was told to change to hospital clothes. Called everyone at home, and guess what.... NO ANS. I sms-ed Khairun, and the news spread like fire.. First to come was my Dad, in the rain.., next up Khairun from school, Rosy from office with a basket of flowers and fruits from the office, Mum and Kaisah... and last but not least, Mr. Simon with the most beautiful bouquet of sunflower, he patiently sought for. (there is another story to that, which my mum would narrate better)... On such quick notice, I am really impressed. I didnt tell him bout it, so I am guessing Ming might have leaked the info when I smsed her earlier about how coincidental I was just accompanying her to Raffles Clinic yesterday and TODAY, I am in Raffles HOSPITAL! I told Nasri and ZA about me being in the hospital, but to my surprise, they didnt know I was admitted IN the hospital, until the next day. Its cool btw, that news spread like fire. I recalled telling :
  1. Khairun


  2. Rosy


  3. Ming


  4. Nasri


  5. Zahdan
And the news reached the corners of the office, reached Fik who was in NYC at that time, reached the entire KRG network, reached the Sengkang relatives... My tuition kid'd family also found out...! It was like BOMB!
Nice timing! We chatted and chatted till the nurse had to remind me to keep my volume down.. At the stroke of midnite, I put the phone down with John. I had the TV on and watched Cold Case.. ahhh, the pain was still ringing in my head. And I also remembered I couldnt sleep that well, because this woman, in the same ward, snored sooooo LOUDLY!Hahaha, I told you, Tuesday was uncalled for.






Wednesday I rested the entire day at home, eating medicine, reading, drawing stuff...Playing with my phone and recording videos etc. Oh yes, my mum got this cute cat stuffed toy, which I named, intuitively, Fat Cat!



Thursday, went to NSC for checkup again, boy I hate that place. Picked up bike from office and surprised that it rained heavily, just as soon as I stepped safely at home. Phew, lucky me! Had tuition that night.

Back at work on Friday, and straight to SVC to cover Elizabeth.

Saturday, I woke up early for braces tightening @ Alexander's. Whoa.. Sun Way might have won the bet ;)


Sunday is fun too, if Zahdan hasnt screw it up by being 2 hrs behind schedule! Its just us and the sun and the beach. Palm trees and peahens.... Rohaidah came with her 4 soccer friends. We had the mat sprawled out, and food on stand-by, photo-session commenced and the rest was magic. A damn slow, lazy sunday.... We went for a swim, actually 2 swims. Listened to Raggae music on ZA's hp and called it a day round 6. Went to Seah Im for Bakso and off to Pasir Ris for Lina's Mother's chalet. Played at the kids playground in Costa Sands, chatted under the stars with Lin's twin cousins. Setting for perfect.... Then, I really really called it a day at 2330hr. Cabbed home and ponder about the yet exciting 2nd week of formal work...

~Sweet Life.. (Hidayat, Lin's newphew)



Luv,

Ms MyraNova

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 23:18

Sunday, April 08, 2007

1st Week of Formal Work

This week looks not to bad, though the best times were the weekends, thanks to Good Friday :)

Monday started off in a good note, revamping the Budget File and added the last touches. Abit more investment scenario planning for Brian, though I wish I can help more since he has to prepare for a really big presentation the week after. Called IT Helpdesk to ask if there is anything to do to speed up the machine. My lappie has been dying for a few months now. Hoping to get a new one the week after next! Yipeee! What name should I give the new one? Met up with Erlina at PS for dinner. I had lovely chicken fillet and fries while she has baked mushroom and salmon rice. We went for a delightful coffee session talking about life and cons of being a Malay. She mentioned something about learning Mandarin, and I say why not? She is doing pretty well lately so thats good news I guess.

Tuesday was not to bad, though JT was suppose to meet for lunch. In the end, I relented to some delicious chicken sandwhich from Delifrance and wholesome fruit tartlets. Umm Yum... :) I was lamenting the fact that I cant have any plans tonight cause I have tuition. Darn. But tuition was fun nonetheless. Hairi has gotten the hang of triangles! Trigo, Sin/ Cosine rule and Pythagoras Theorem ans stuff. YEA! But his Maths teacher is one lazy B%^&rd.

Wednesday, not too much to do @ work, as I was complaining to Simon via SMS. Took a pic of my desk after he sent the pic of his desk with e Lucky Bamboo on it. Sweet of him to keep it there. I coordinated a lunch meet for JT and Wei Shan so the 3 of us met and we had lovely Nasi Penyet opp. Shaw Tower. I had Beef Penyet, JT had cat fish penyet and Wei Shan had gado-gado. Nice time to catch up with old times and of course, whine about work. Though I was telling them how I like work and life to be balance. I felt good that Wednesday cause I can plans for that night! Johnny and I caught Shooter that night, and it was not too bad, though I was pissed that it was not 300. I reallllllly wanna catch that show! John, next time, I BUY the tics! Aiyaiyai.... I might as well catch it on my own next week @ Shaw, after work. Oh yes, Johnny Boy has a smashing phone (of course, he shows it off ), he does alot of research for cheaper wi-fi and also found a way to get phone for cheaper. Cool ey? I had fish and chips, and he had mutton chops and rice with vege that he doesnt eat in the end.

Thurs was good cause it felt like a Friday!! Yea! Work was good, though I was having serious problems with the speed of the computer. I needed to finish something for dear Brian, and the lappie hung, seemingly on purpose! Wicked ey? IT dude came up, and I was surprise at his skills in breaking ice. Not bad at all, though I didnt get it at the first place ;) Without noticing, it was almost knocking off time! We trio-ed our way home and my mum and I cooked dinner on the portable cooker. We ate sambal prawns and lemak nangka with kailan vege. Ummm.. Topped off with juicy mangoes Aunty Lin brought from Philippines. It was a relaxing evening to usher in the public holiday. We went to Mc D to get Arif his apple pie and I got myself vanilla ice cream.

Friday, morning shift @ SVC. Yea, I was working on a public holiday! But it was not too bad. Sujata came in that morning to pack things properly since the renovation just ended. Work was quite quiet and the place smells horrible after new carpets were installed. Beth signed in and the time passed more quickly. After work ended, I met up with Sangeetha for an insurance overview. Whoa, she looks way better than before, and I realised why later in the meeting!

It was lovely! Cold starts were great, especially the lovely lovely prawns! I had four and those were hyper sweet. Black pepper crabs were so so, but the pumpkin soup really did the trick after my tummy came close to full. Beef was good but a lil too rare for my liking but but but the mutton was exceptionally GOOOOOD. I am surprised that the smell wasnt as bad as I anticipated. The most delightful of all was desserts, oh man, I was gone, really gone. Nothing around me mattered anymore as I voraciously devour those sweet things they place in tiny cups. Ummm cakes and ice-creams and chocolate fondue. Oh gosh, I was really gone! Hahah, pleasant way to close the evening. Ran back to get the bag and bike from SVC, while Gaffar waited. I explained to Danny, all I want is to look at pictures and no words. He got me a book on 2 dudes who did touring on monstrous BMWs bikes to London, lasting for at least 3months. Its a pity I didnt notice the title of the book! After bidding farewell to Danny, I went to the carpark to get my bike.

Saturday, Claud asked for coffee that morning and so did Vivin. Delightful, I love invites!! And of course, I love to see them too and see how life is. Hmm, but I know, they need to talk about stuff. Claud did a raincheck cause she was having bad sneezes and claimed she cant see me looking like a lion, in which I casually reply, " I dont mind, cause I look like a scarecrow ;)". Later that evening Gerald came over!! I was shocked beyond belief. I instantly got out of my seat and greeted him with my largest, most generous smile, despite the braces! Hahah, what a pleasant surprise! Beth was wondering that this was indeed a funny and surprising occasion. Father and son visiting Myra @ the counter on the same day. Haha! But it was really nice to afford a chat with Mr Turcotte. He wished me well ;) and I was really thankful of him coming and saying hello. I had to ask Vivin to drive up here cause I certainly cant ride down to Tampines in the downpour. We had dinner opposite Cuppage Road and later; for coffee and tea flavoured Raspberry and Mango with orange flaboured muffin at Starbucks. (Wow, that was indeed long line!) We had a great chat about our careers and underserving blokes, and those who do deserves sweet chics like us. Guy problems are irritatingly BAD for health, cause we can only settle it quickly over sweets and creams! Hope things get better for Ms Vivin.

And Sunday.. I realised its bad to take full shift on this day. Although the center is not too busy, it is hyper boring sitting is orange lighting with faded music in the backgroud and raindrops on the roof. I am thinking of motor racing today, in which I obviously cant catch. Despite the gloom and doom, I am pretty happy I have more sales than I typically expect on a dreary Sunday. Tomorrow is another day I await, and I hope the week will be as fun as this.

This is quite a long and elobourated narrative, I know that I lost some of the readers early in this entry. But I meant all the words I say and that, I am just so glad and thankful that things are going better than it was. Now I am gonna plan for next week!

Luv,
Ms MyraNova

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 12:35

Monday, April 02, 2007

Lovely Week!

It feels better applying for leaves, cause now, at least I know who can spend the time with me. Ming too, which is great as well. Shikin can testify to the pain and frustration of being free with no one free enough to chill with. So, I consider myself quite lucky! Caught Starry Nite, sitting with Nadia and Yurni, dance on que to J. Timberlake, do foot/ back reflexology, catching up with the KRG, think about my future directions, align my principles and knock down my fears and insecurities. I love it, cause I was out of the house alot of time, and away from the troubles at home. Home is not too bad, but it gets too crowded and noisy sometimes.


1st Day as a perm is not too bad, though Brian just came back and there is quite little to do. I going dinner with Erlina tonight @ Plaza Singapura. Tuition Tuesday night and Wednesday night Johnny Boy and I might wanna catch 300. Carrie's just called if I might be interested for a hair show with Loreal. Its so enticing! On the runway again... I am surely flirting with that thought. I dread weekends nowadays. Oh man, hope I can pull through the hours. Reminiscing time.. Here was what I did last week.


Phew, my week was loaded with things I really wanted to do! Good company and good turn of events. I just had to journal this down ;) cause weeks like this are hard to come by! It feels so good to have someone to chill with, kindda reminded me the times when Fik and ZA and I chilled after our revisions back in JC and the times when I had the old guy.

Sweet Life,

Luv,

mYra

Myra Abd Kadir~ at 16:27

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